| When you think it's all perfect |
[March 01, 2010 | 09:14 PM] |
Mistakes made, mistakes undone. I wish it could work that way, but everything follows a certain law of nature.Today was a not-so-good day. Frankly this year's birthday didn't even feel like one. I'm sad, griping over the lack of celebration spirit in me.
I miss all the big hoo-ha we used to have in TK. Every birthday would be celebrated in a way we think would be memorable. I miss how each of our close friends would put in enormous efforts just so that the birthday girl would feel loved.
Sometimes I don't like having a birthday that only exists in 4 years. It doesn't feel great, though some people think it's cool to have a birthday once in every four years. Frankly, if it were to happen to someone else, I would think it's cool. But after 18 years of having only 4 official birthdays, I officially find it tiresome.
Not knowing when to celebrate, not knowing how to anwser when your friends asks you when they should wish you, not knowing the true feeling of having an actual birthday.
So to me, a birthday is really a huge event. Some people might tire of it cause they've been having one year after year, but imagine how it feels to be forgotten. Not a great feeling, really. So to me, every official birthday I've had and will ever have is a cherished one.
I don't ever want to lose the feeling of cherishing every birthday of mine. Not even when I'm 80 cause I know, the number of official ones I have in a lifetime can only be 25, that's if I live to be a 100.
This year is no different from last year. Not many people in this school knows when's my actual birthday. I think a number of people in my team knows when it is. Some just follows along and wishes when someone else wished. Even though it's insincere, it's good enough.
I want to meet up with my close friends soon. My birthday celebration isn't complete without them. I thank God for giving me this awesome bunch of friends who love me so very much <3
And not to forget my other friends who remembered when my birthday is, and my awesome family who never fails to give me awesome things every year, even if it's not my birthday!
I love you mummy, daddy and brother dear <3
So here's to end off this sour post'
"Goodbye February, Hello March"
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| It's a lonely feeling; |
[December 24, 2009 | 05:42 PM] |
To feel lonely is a frightening feeling. Here I am, on Christmas Eve, at home, on the computer, doing absolutely nothing productive. Last year, it was an absolutely fun Christmas Eve cause I got to spend it with all my friends, whom I dearly miss now. Even though it wasn't exactly a bright, with sudden downpours every hour or so, I still felt like that was the best outing we've had that year cause of the company I had. The subtle yet frighteningly comfortable flirting, the stupidity we showcased, the play-off between genders, everything seemed so perfect that day. Yet today, I'm still home, not out getting into the festive mood, even though I don't celebrate it. This year, a lot had changed. I seriously mean a lot. It's seriously very tiring to keep in touch with different cliques of friends. I feel like I'm drifting apart from all of them. No more common topics or interests. Grr, sometimes I just wish time would stand still, not move forward and that nothing would change. At all! But if nothing ever changes, I won't meet new friends whom I love just as I equally love my old friends. Or meet the guy I like now. Or have the team that sometimes makes me happy.
I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster, going through my emotions. It passes a different emotion within seconds and moves on to the next. It's a thrilling ride that leaves me speechless and thoughtless. Getting my emotions together in words is a frustrating thing cause if I, myself, don't know what I'm feeling right now, how am I to gather it all together and put on a new front for others to see? Gosh, this post doesn't even make sense anymore.
On another note, there's the canoeing xmas celebration tonight and I still don't know whether I'm going or not. Sucks actually. I want to go out with a certain someone but I don't want to make it so friggin' obvious nor pull him away from anything important.
I want to runaway, to a far away island paradise or another shopping paradise.
To get myself distracted from all these ridiculous distractions!
I'm absolutely in love with my new phone, though the battery life sucks big time and it's not really a new model, but hey! A new phone is better than no phone at all! :D Gosh, I love my daddy so much for getting me a new phone! I'd really miss using the Motorola :(:(:(
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| Judgments passed without reasons |
[November 01, 2009 | 08:45 PM] |
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It's been a long time since I've updated. Much has happened and with all the crap I've been facing with PW, I must say, it has been grating on my nerves. And it doesn't help much when I want to let off steam but I just can't find the proper medium to let go! I can't let it off physically, nor I can I do it verbally. I guess writing helps a little.
I'm feeling way off than normal. The chest pains are not helping, plus, I can't seem to stop my head from spinning.
My dad doesn't seem to believe I'm having chest pains so I guess I have to go to the specialist by myself and pay for it myself.
I'm scared. Fearful. Of not being able to train and not partake in any events next week. I'm afraid I won't have sufficient time to prepare myself for next week. I'm afraid I have to quit the team, though I am considering it now.
I'm learning to cope though, with all the pain I've been getting for the past few weeks. Doctors that I've went to are not telling me anything. I'm just praying that it is nothing too serious.
On a brighter note, someone has visibly brightened up my week, though some people thinks there is something wrong between me and said person just because I do not want to greet said person. Sometimes, alone time is what we all need.
Where are you now?
Cause I´m thinking of you
You showed me how
How to live like I do
If it wasn't for you
I would never be who I am
And I'll never see those days again
And things will never be that way again
But thats just how it goes,
People change,
But I know
I wont forget you
-Where Are You Now, Honor Society
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[August 21, 2009 | 10:05 PM] |
I feel so stupid! I bought Dewberry which was to be left in school and eaten during class. BUT I conveniently forgot that I'm starting to fast from tomorrow onwards!
Sighs! But nevermind, the giant shall have it all! : D
"143", always. Kenya!Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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[July 29, 2009 | 10:05 PM] |
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Testing waters, tearing edges. Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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